I was easily amused tonight.

First, a little bit from the global chats channel:

( Read more... )

It was quite an active crowd on the Rogues rooftops in Terris too.

On gaining mounts:

( Read more... )

On Rogue clothing choices:

( Read more... )

On Venis' use of the term 'numpties':

( Read more... )

Something I have to use more often:

Guise says 'Ooh look, is that a different subject to segue into on the horizon...'

On quests for power:

( Read more... )

The day started off rather unpleasantly, after the Guild Wars 'Infuse The Guild' adventure the preceding night, and left me in a rather strained relationship with Tim.

See, we went back to Banwell this morning before it had really got light, and were walking around by the bowling green when the undead rose from the green and began spitting arrows at us, I told Tim to run but he just hung around a bit and then eventually caught up and passed me. We ran down the steps and were near the pub at the bottom, Tim pointed out we could hide inside and would be safe, so I followed him in and we made it in time for the mass the Catholic priest was conducting, so Tim dragged me forward for my first communion and conversion.

The utter bastard.

After I got up we went down to town. I wanted to avoid the clowns as they were planning a parade between 11:00 - 13:00, but as we were walking around the back of the Winter Gardens we couldn't help but spot a group as they climbed out a taxi. Two in the back, one in the front. I can't see what is so amusing about clowns in a car! Worse than that, one of them pulled out their horn, gave it squeeze and honked at me while smiling. FREAK!

Went for a bacon sandwich and blue raspberryade, and then came home. On route we discussed a plan for clowns, mainly my plan with a few Tim comments that joined it together. I wish I had an MP3 dictaphone sometimes.

Tim started it by suggesting they change the parade into a shooting gallery, however, I found it more entertaining to bring back some of the more interesting elements of the circus - fights for survival. Each clown would have a knife strapped to their wrist and a tamers whip, they'd be sent into the Circus to fight to the death, and occasionally lions would be released. The clowns could use pies, but they'd be burning hot and some of the may contain nuts to add risk to the proceedings; they'd also be allowed to use oversized hammers and battery acid in a squirting flower.

Clown cars would make up the chariot race in a Death Race 2000 style, running over clowns to score points. The pedestrian clowns would be equipped with mallets to attack drivers.

Tim pointed out it wouldn't be right, because clowns deaths aren't funny. I illustrated the point :

Wembley Stadium, thousands in attendance, capacity crowd. Two clowns stand in the centre of the area, both wear oversized shiny red shoes, baggy trousers and have knives attached to their wrists by leather straps. They look at each other with fear in their eyes but a smile on their face. The First charges forward with knife pointing out, he gets two steps but trips over his shoes and prat falls on his face. The Second rushes in, but trips over the First, tumbles and rolls to the chorus of honks and cymbols.

They stand up and look at each other. Then they look down.

They spot the knives in their chests where they've both managed to fall on their knives. At the same time they fall backwards, dead.

Tim sniggered, proving clown deaths have some entertainment value.

I pointed out that Jesters and Mimes would be safe, as Jesters are just sarcastic humourists with lepers clothing and Mimes are harmless, anyone stupid enough to lock themselves in a glass box is no threat. Any other clown would have to be rounded up, and agreed that this may cause some clowns to go underground, normalising their garish clothes into items like neon nylon shellsuits and reducing their make-up to a touch of eyeliner.

This isn't unprecedented, in the secret clownhunts of the 80s and 90s, a number of clowns took this method and made a career for themselves, keeping the novelty appearance. Timmy Mallet and The Chuckle Brothers were actually evading capture under new identities.

I suggested clownhunts to be carried out in a manner of ways : get them to walk in a straight line without falling over and tumbling; throw a custard pie at them, if it hits and they punch you then they are ok, if they honk a horn then they are clowns.

Tim likened this to the FBI hunt for Communists and the idea that to avoid breaching rights how Communism was considered a disease not a political or religious belief. I agreed that this is how Clownunism should be treated. How a President would one day stand up and admit "When I was in college, I experimented with clowning. I did a prat fall...but I did not honk. It was Peer Pressure, everyone else was climbing into little cars..."

Tim pointed out that Lenny Henry had been corrupting the nation, and it's youth, for years with this Comic Relief "Red Nose Day" idea. I agree, he's been telling kids to try on a nose, that they wouldn't know they liked it unless they try it, and every time the price of the nose increases and increases. Kids do it too, because their freinds, and celebrities, are all doing it. Is it any surprise they are helping famine and drought in Afrikea, they waste so much food in custard pies and baked bean baths, and use water for falling in or spraying from soda dispensers. AS Tim put it "Congratulations, you've managed to hold clowns responsible for all the world's problems", and as I told him, no, they did that themselves.

I planned to go undercover in a Happiness Patrol, dressed as the Joker, to find these clowns. After finding proof of their jovial lifestyles I would proceed to put them out of my misery.

I have to go back into town this afternoon to see Dave, luckily the clowns should be herded into parks by then to corrupt children.

I'm on to you, Clown, I'm on to you!

Today has been fairly interesting, updating instructions and bulletins, handling technical queries and tracking down addresses based on one part of a scribbled address (hooray for Google, Multimap and previous looks at understanding longitude and latitude). Had a message that the servers I work on are going to be down on Friday, tempted to take the day off, just don't have anything to do!

That was all fun until lunch, when life took a more sinister twist, best to just refer to the warning message I sent out :

-----Original Message-----

From: [Me]
To: [Garf], [Si]
Subject: I had to come back quick from lunch...

I knew eventually they would come to Weston, to let their taint spread through this already diseased town; that they would use it as a platform for their agenda and try to persuade others to their cause - their evil, perverse cause.

They have, from today, arrived in this seaside town.

I'm sure you know that I'm not really discriminatory, that I know we should respect other people's choice of life style, but in their case there is a difference to respecting their personal lives and having them shove their twisted, depraved lifestyles into your face while laughing at you.

It's not that I'm close-minded; that I can't see past their flamboyantly outrageous fashion tastes, their strange behaviour, their skin or even the speech mannerisms some have adopted.

However, when all that is thrown together with the fact they come here en masse, disturb the peace, thrust their agenda on people and hide their true face behind that of another, it is intimidating and unsavourary.

You should see what they do to inflatable animals in public. They even try to turn the opinions of children to their ends.

Yet, if you complain you are viewed badly.

They are evil creatures, wearing their true emotions under a false face, able to say mean statements behind a huge blood red smile, or to tell jokes whilst black tears drip from their eyes.

Personally, clowns really, really bother me.

I've got a week of them!!

C.

Bloody International Festival of Clowns, why must I live in a town that hosts a convention of one of my most hated of enemies?! There is some form of divine joke going on; Fate wears floppy shoes and a squirting flower.

Of course, Garf proved to be helpful :( Overcoming Phobias )
At least Si was more understanding to my pain and emotional torment.