Shadowed Guise
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101 in 1001, 80s, a softer world, aches, advertising, airport security, alcohol, amazon, america, angels, anime, ann summers, anthony stewart head, april fools, arcen, art, astrology, attitude, august, banana cake, barbeque, batman, beaded curtains, benefits, benevolence, bhs, big brother, bikini, bill bailey, bio, birthday, blogquiz, blogthings, bluetooth, blunkett, books, bowling, breasts, breeders, bridgwater, bristol, british, buffy, bunny, burger king, buses, bzoink, camera, cancer, cartoons, casualty, cd, celebrities, celery, chavs, cheese, children, chocolate, chorizo, christ, christmas, city, cleaning, clothes, clothing, clowns, coffee, college, comic books, comics, communications, communities, consumerism, controlled media, convention, cooking, cosmetics, cosplay, costa, costumes, crabs, craig campbell, crime, crushes, crustaceans, csi, cthulhu, cute, dalek, daredevil, dead rising, design, diet coke, directors, discworld, dixons, doctor who, dominos pizza, donnie darko, doom, dorian gray, drabble, draco malfoy, dreams, dvd, dwarf, dwp, easter, ebay, elevator, email, email forward, emo, engineers, english, eurovision, evil, evil overlord, exeter, exo-force, eyes, fae, fantastic four, fashion, fate, fear, fetish, fire, flat, flickr, flip-flops, flowers, food, football, forbidden planet, foxes, fraud, friends, frustration, g8, gadgets, gambling, games, geek, gene wilder, generators, genetic engineering, george foreman, george w bush, gingerbread, gingerfiend, girls, gloucestershire, goblins, good deeds, good omens, google, goths, government, greed, guild wars, guise dugal, halloween, hamsters, harry potter, helicopters, helidays, heth, hipsters, hmrc, hoax, hoedown, hogfather, holby city, hollywood, honda, hoodies, horror, house of leaves, hugs, humour, ice, impotence, instant messenger, insults, interests, internet, ipod, it, jelly babies, jobseeking, johari, johnny depp, jurassic park, kaiser chiefs, kids, kill bill, kityan dugal, korea, kris, lego, lexmark, lift, limerance, lists, livejournal, london, lore brand comics, love, lust, lyrics, madness, market research, masturbation, mathematics, mcdonalds, me, mecha, meet, meme, messenger, metaquotes, mezzo dsa, midwich cuckoos, milkshake, mission101, mmorpg, mobile phones, mocha, mole man, monster warriors, moon, mothers day, movies, moving, mp3, mud, muffins, muppets, music, myspace, nationstates, new years, new years 2005, new years 2006, news, ninja, ninjaday2006, norfolk, norwich, november, okcupid, old people, olympics, online, oscar wilde, ozy and millie, ozymandias, pancake day, pancakes, parenting, parents, party, paypal, pbf, pc, peeves, people, perry bible fellowship, personal, personality, photos, pimping, pirates, pirates of the caribbean, pizza, pizza hut, play, poems, poetry, police, politics, poodles, population control, power rangers, pringles, printer, procreation, ps2, public transport, pumpkins, puns, quavers, quiz, quizbox, quizfarm, quizgalaxy, quizilla, quotes, rabbit, radio, rant, realisation of mortality, recycling, relationships, religion, resident evil, review, rich hall, richard o'brien, ring modulation, risk, roald dahl, robots, rogues, roleplay, romance, romeo and juliet, rspb, rules, sacrificial virgins, salisbury, sandals, sandwiches, santa, sarah, sarcasm, scala choir, scarecrows, sci fi, science fiction, scyphen creed, seagulls, seasonal, secret bases, sex, sex toys, shakespeare, shelley, shoes, shopping, shops, shoulders, silent hill, silica, sinfest, ska, skype, slogans, smartcard, snow, soccer, sound, soup, spam, speakers, specsavers, spelling, spiderman, spindal, spoons, spork, sport, squirpion, squirrel, squirrels, staples, star 107.7, star wars, starship, stereo, steve mcqueen, story, suit, summer, sun, sunglasses, superheroes, superman, superman returns, supervillains, survey, t4, t4 on the beach, tales from the crypt, talk like a pirate day, tarot, tattoo, taunton, tea, tech, technology, television, terris, terrorism, terry pratchett, terry wogan, tesco, tests, the great escape, the omen, the samaritans, the simpsons, the surrealist, theatre, tim, tim burton, tink, toast, togo, tony robinson, torchwood, tourists, toyota, toys, trains, trumpton, turn ons, twilight zone, txt, uncategorized, underwear, unicorns, uniforms, usb, userinfo, valentines, virgin, vlog, vodafone, waterstones, wcms, weather, webcomic, webcomics, website, websites, weight, weston super mare, wi-fi, willy wonka, wiltshire, wimpy, winamp, wine, wishlist, wolf's rain, work, world cup, world domination, wraith squadron, wrestling, writing, wurzels, x-men, x3, xbox, yaks, yobs, youtube, zombie, zombies
13 Nov 2006 19:47 - What's (Not) On TV - Part 2
Humour
With the launch of another I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here, I got in to discussion with Andy from the office about new show ideas (akin to my suggestions back in February 2004 What's (Not) On TV) and came up with a few.
    I'M A CELEBRITY'S BIG BROTHER SURVIVOR - GET ME OUT OF HERE

    A show where the older siblings of Z-list celebrities are taken from there home and left in a shack on a deserted island where they must compete to try and get their relatives a renewed tv contract - if they don't survive, they both don't survive.

    ASBO GLADIATORS

    Weekly fights from CCTV footage of fights between yobs. Includes the Goth vs. Chav league tables. (Kudos to Andy for the name, I'd have just referred to Street Fighters)

    CELEBRITY SURVIVOR: THE DONNER PARTY

    Hosted by Hollywood big name Richard Donner, a group of celebrities are taken from their homes, loaded on a plane and flown into a fog-covered mountain range. After the impending crash, they must survive until hope arrives. Included on the flight are celebrity chefs to offer a wide variety of recipes if you are playing along at home!

    PIMP MY WIFE

    Trinny and Susannah take the Wife Swap and Makeover formats to the next level, outfitting all manner of women for a new life on the streets. From fashion advice to business management, the show will cover everything needed to make the life altering change.

    ESCAPE FROM THE RAT RACE

    A whole new breed of sport show. Welfare customers proven to have fraudulently claiming as disabled or incapable to work in order to avoid being pat of the 'rat race' are given the chance to earn a free £20k salary for 3 years if they can Escape The Rat Race. The Rat Race consists of a 10k run in underground tunnels chased by a released horde of hungry sewer rats, a swimming challenge though leech infested waters and a weekly 'surprise challenge'. Hosted by Roland Rat and marathon runner Paula Radcliffe MBE.

    NECROLYMPICS

    Recently deceased competitors attempt to earn prizes and money for their surviving relatives in a range of sporting events including the luge, slalom rapids canoeing, bobsleigh (and skeleton bob), horse riding, rodeo bull, and automated pole vault (like a trebuchet).
24 Aug 2005 18:24 - The Chav Name Game
Humour
Jaqs told me yesterday that she went to Bristol Zoo with neighbours and her bloke's kid, and not too surprisingly there were chavs (or to give them a zoological designation Homo Sapien Chaviticus) swarming the place. While enjoying a quiet sit down a little male chav was running around being annoying, when his chav parent calls out "Beckham!! Get back 'ere!"

So, now naming after celebrities means using surnames as first names. I discussed this with Vonnie in the office and Andrew in Taunton and suggested my own Chav-tastic names after celebrities.

    Musicians :
      Slash from Guns n Roses
      Limp Bizkit - naming after either part would be amusing
      (Bob) Geldof - I'd suggest Geldof for a name, but a chav kid would say "I'm Geldof" and another kid would say "Like the wizard?"
      (Jarvis) Cocker (or the spaniel) - "This is my lil girl, Cocker"
      (Art) Garfunkel
      (Daniel) Beddingfield - "Beddingfield! Stop doing that with the dawwwwg!"
      (Frank) Sinatra - The musical equivalent of Chardonay
      Westlife - Now there's a name "My name is Westlife Brown"
      (Natalie) Imbruglia
      (Kylie) Minogue - "Minogue Jones"
      (Atomic) Kitten - Hmm, actually Kitten/Kitty isn't too bad...
      (Alanis) Morrisette
      (Blink) 182 - "182 Smith"
      (Sid) Vicious
      or for really whacked out names (George) Michael and (Elton) John

    Actors:
      (Brad) Pitt - I'd like to see "..'e's our lil Cec' Pitt"
      (Johnny) Depp
      (Michael) Keaton _"Keeee-ton! Stop 'itting lil Chardonay!"
      (Kevin) Spacey - "My kid Spacey has attention deficit disorder. Oi, Spacey, pay attention!"
      (Ben) Affleck - what a great name that would be to hear screaming "Get back 'ere, Affleck!"
      (Patrick) Swayze - "This is my son, Swayze"
      (John) Travolta "Tra-vol-tahh"
      (Jean Claude) Van Damme (would work with Vin Diesel too) - Ahh, the joy of a chav with the initials V.D., cos chav children are a sexually transmitted disease
      (David) Hasselhoff - considering they tend to not pronounce the H's "Come 'ere, 'assel'off!"
      and of course, naming after Arnie...
Apparently I have good comedic ideas, I think I'm just a sarcastic git. These two things appear to be synonymous where I work. But, it's kind of rewarding to have someone say "Fair enough. I’ve always thought your idea’s are funny. You make me laugh. I might steal some of your gear if you’re not gonna use it. I’ll dazzle my friends with your wit!"

Probably bull, but it's nice to think someone out there is smirking at what I'm saying and not just at me.
22 Feb 2004 22:30 - What's (Not) On TV
So, in the spirit of Marvel comics for setting up crossovers to solve ratings problems, a few ideas for TV/Film crossovers (and yes, I know most of these shows would be impossible because of characters having left, but watch me not care) :

    Without A Trace/X-Files
    Drama. When a 13 year old girl goes missing from a trailer park site on the outskirts of the city Jack Malone and the Missing Persons Squad of the Federal Bureau of Investigation goes on the search, only to find the scene already under investigation by Special Agent Fox Mulder who believes the answer lies further from home than Malone suspects.

    Walking With Dinosaurs/Jurassic Park
    Edu-tainment. A mix of adventure and science, as Dr Alan Grant (Sam Neil) provides broadcasts from "Jurassic Park" a theme park which boasts dinosaurs in their natural environment, including lectures on species, hunting and environments, discussions on engineering, operations of zoos and theme parks, and genetics. Includes Live Feeds to dig project across the globe. (Spoiler : During Week Four, the show takes on an exciting twist when Grant, his Kidz Krew and Cameraman are stranded in the far end of the park and share their knowledge to find a way home).

    I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here/Celebrity Deathmatch
    Sport/Reality Game Show. Twenty celebrities are placed (forced) on a desert island to fend for themselves, at the end of every week the public votes for the two least favourite celebrities who must then fight, literally, to the death to win food to survive another day, with a lifetime contract in every entertainment industry for the rest of their life.
    (Spolier : The food is there opponent, covered in McDonalds secret sauce)

    Combat Missions/Running Man/Dirty Dozen/The Handler/Interceptor
    Sport/Reality. Four teams of convicted criminals are given one last chance for freedom, by competing in a game show where weekly they are given "war game" missions to complete (like blowing up a tank, destroying an arms cache, destroying a drug lab, surveillance) against a squad of shadowy enforcers and specialist Interceptors who are determined to take them down. High violence with real ammunition on the enforcers/Interceptors side. The winning team gains freedom and a government contract as Mission Specialists for the military (see the UK CM - DFS here : 15 February 2004).

    Garfield And Friends/Yan Can Cook
    Comedy/Cooking. See Garfield, Odie and the Orsons Farm gang in a whole range of sticky situations, including "Sweet n Sour", "Oyster Sauce" and "Stir Fry".

    The Weakest Link/-Generic Medical Show-
    Game Show. Citizens of Britain are tested on their grasp of general knowledge (and common sense), and the lowest scorers are eliminated as the game progresses. Unlike the usual show, there is no vote except in a tie break situation, and also different losers are sterilised so not to pollute the gene pool.

    Cops/Logans Run
    Reality. Filmed on location with the men and women of Population Control, all citizens are considered guilty until proven innocent (through provision of evidence contrary to Social/Biological Crime).

    MacGyver/The A-Team
    MacGyver is a different kind of hero - he doesn´t use weapons, he´s afraid of heights, and he´s an expert at making complicated machines out of ordinary things...he is part of a think tank called the Phoenix Foundation for Research.

    The A-Team are a rag-tag group of benevolent mercenaries, fugitives from the US Military. Experts at fire arms and military strategy, and also masters of invention.

    When the two are forced to work together against a corrupt General a fan, a dough-scraper and some duct tape can form an excellent helicopter attack, a cut credit card can help cause a traffic jam and a light bulb can make an outstanding set of lock picks.


Come on TV, you know you want to do these as much as I do!

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