Something Positive was exceptional today (2005-06-21 : Reach Out and Throttle Someone) and covered a major gripe : Assholes and mobile phones.

This isn't anything about assholes or mobile phones, as I'm sure some would comment I am one and own one respectively. This is about assholes who own phones and use them in annoying circumstances.

Now, I work with people who have mobile phones going off in the office on regular occasion, even have loud people using office phones to discuss the shopping their mother did three months back. It's annoying, but fine as long as the ringtone isn't something recently advertised by Jamster, Ringtone King or some such.

I can also see the advantage of walking past a billboard or cinema and getting recommendations sent to my Bluetooth earpiece, kind of how the biometrics marketing targeted consumers by iris recognition in Minority Report. As long as it's direct, relevant marketing and not spam in your ear, then there is a world of opportunity there.

But phones in shops grates my nerves, especially in queues and especially if the person is making the call and not receiving.

Case in point, holding up a queue in the baguette shop while you discuss with your half-wit boyfriend what filling he'd like - freakin' do it outside and then go in and order it, yes, you'll be two people back in the queue but no-one will want to stab you to death with a french loaf. I think it's also rude to counter staff to do it, they have to wait for you before they can serve anyone else and you aren't even paying attention to them.

Mobile phones are banned in some places, but people still use them by putting them on mute and then answering them really loudly. Even places like doctors surgeries, not hospitals thankfully, but people actually think that going half-way is good enough - some practice managers are looking to striking people off their lists for repeat offending, claiming it as anti-social behaviour.

Schools are another place, I can see the advantage of children having mobile phones for emergency use and for security and piece of mind. Most schools allow phones but request they be switched off during school hours, but still some kids break the rules and you can't take the phones off because then you are going against the parents wishes and risking the child's safety.

There are also fines for driving while using mobile phones, but some people use Bluetooth devices to hide that they have a mic, many newer cars have Bluetooth installed which can interface with a phone in a pocket or glove compartment to allow automatic hands-free phone capability - so even the car companies are behind it.

I think it's time to rebel and use Bluetooth technology to our advantage :

• Set up a feedback loop on main roads that record when Bluetooth devices are engaged in-car and then trigger a speed camera down the road to look for proof of driving without due care and attention.
  
• Hide a Bluetooth-enabled device in shops that will jam signals while inside the shop or txt them to switch off their devices.
  
• Set up Bluetooth devices that black spot areas and tell people not to use phones in that area, such as High Streets, shopping malls and parks

You'll always get some asshole on the phone, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with waiting for him to finish.